Xavier's Birth Story - Very Long

So since the last time I posted about our little boy he was in his Momma's tummy waiting his arrival. The last few months have been very stressful.

On December 29th I went into labor and after 4 hours of monitoring and them deciding that it was labor at 35weeks and 6 days they stopped my labor at 11.45 pm because I wasn't 36 weeks yet. I know they could have given me 15 minutes and everything would have changed.

My due date came and went with another bout of labor which was 36 hours of contractions 2-3 minutes apart that did nothing and at my 42 week appointment we said enough is enough.

My heart rate was elevated as well as the babies so the midwife gave us cotton root bark to take. Yes I had a midwife and was planning a natural home birth. I hate doctors with good reason and I'll tell you why another post. We went home and researched the cotton root bark as one thing the midwife had said had scared the living daylights out of us. She told us that this herb is what the slaves used to take to cause abortions. WOW, I have a beautiful baby inside and this is the herb they give me. Fear over took me!

Feb 11 2010
The next morning we called her and asked to go to L&D instead. At this point I was big and uncomfortable, see above! We went to L&D and the first thing they do is a NST where they hooked me up and monitored Xavier's heartbeat and movements and then did a BPP ultrasound as they were worried that he wasn't moving like he should. In that ultrasound they also put him at 10lb 13oz.

The atmosphere changed after that, instead of the nurses being excited and enthusiastic they started telling me, your plans are going to have to change and then I met the Dr.

This Dr. told me that I was carrying a very big baby and after all we had guessed that from day 1 as DH and his siblings were all above 9lbs, his brother was actually longer than the incubator when he was born and is 6'5" today. So our response was okay, the ultrasound can be off as much as 1 to 2 lbs and the Dr agreed but as in the baby could be 13 lbs and not 9. The next words out of the Dr.s mouth stunned and shocked us.

"you have to have a c-section otherwise best case scenario your baby is brain dead, more likely scenario your baby will die"

He left us for a couple of minutes to make our decision in which time a nurse came in and re-emphasized the Dr's sentiments with the added comments of well if you want to be good parents and care about your baby you'll do as the Dr says.


So after a few minutes we signed the consent forms and they took us to a delivery room where they took blood and had Jamie suit up for being in the OR. I will be honest it was all a blur, I had just been told to do whatever they say or I would be responsible for killing my baby(one nurse told us that not consenting is tantamount to child neglect and CPS could be called). Within two hours my MIL was there, 2 elders from the church had come and given me a blessing and I was walking to the OR.

I was still crying, I felt responsible for what they were saying and felt that I could have killed my own baby. I was raw and emotional. It didn't make it easier that I was yelled at for flinching when they tried to do the spinal. It hurt!

Fast forward to 15.49 and Xavier was born, I heard a Dr. saying 'Its a toddler' and to be honest it was the first chuckle I had all day and then I heard him screaming, he had a set of lungs on him. They called Jamie over to look and 'trim' the cord, but at the same time I could hear them saying he's not breathing right, heck he's too busy screaming to breath I was thinking.

A few minutes later the NP came over and showed me my son for a moment and said he has to go to NICU, I sent Jamie with him. Then the wait began, they stapled me back together and moved me back to the room where my MIL was waiting, she had seen her grandson briefly as they had gone past but she had definitely heard him. It couldn't be that bad with the way he screamed could it?

I got prodded and poked and my Blood Pressure taken and I kept asking when I could hold my baby, the new nurse I got was really nice and called the NICU and had them move things so they could wheel me in the bed so I could see him. I was so focused on moving my feet as they had told me I had to move my feet to get to see him.

They wheeled me in and there he was on a little bed with a diaper under a clear space helmet. The NP explained that as he was born he had swallowed excessive amounts of fluid and even aggressive pumping hadn't worked yet. They were diagnosing him with asphyxia pneumonia.
He was on nutritional IV's and continual oxygen as the x-rays had shown a lot of fluid. They were also putting him on antibiotics to prevent possible infections. He looked so delicate and I was afraid to touch him even though they said I could. To be honest it was in my mind that this was my fault, after all I had chosen a home birth and was being told how bad a decision that was and how he would have died in birth if I had even considered trying it. Maybe this was the start of me being a bad mother. One of the nurses grabbed my hand and tried to make me touch my son, but I was scared I would hurt him.

I asked to leave the NICU, later my DH confessed he thought for a few moments I was rejecting my son and that the nursery nurses were scared of the same. I was then moved to another floor for recovery and I could hear all these babies crying, why did they get their baby and I couldn't have mine, what had I done that was so wrong? I focused on my feet and within 3 hours I walked to the wheelchair and had DH wheel me back to my son. I touched him and stroked his feet and back. All the tubes still scared me terribly. I visited every 2 hours waiting for some news of improvement.

The next day DH had to go back to work so we went before he left and the goal was that Xavier would be off the air hood that day. I specifically told them I needed to know straight away as I was told I could hold him at that point. I had to go back to the other floor for breakfast and rounds. The NICU nurse also told me to attend the CPR class in an hour as he had breathing issues and they would rather I was prepared.

The Dr came around, a different one than the day before and spent 5 minutes on his cell phone before asking me my pain level, which I told him the pain pills I had had earlier were doing there job. He didnt check my incision or anything or know I was on a liquid diet, he just said I can discharge you. Here I am less than 18 hours from surgery and he didn't check anything! I was furious. I went to my CPR class and came back. The nurse had told me she would check on me at 12 and give me more pain meds so I waited, by 11 I was hurting but I thought I can hold out an hour so I dont disturb them, by 1 I was hurting so bad I couldn't get out of bed and reach the call button, by 2 I was in tears and my MIL came in. She saw the pain I was in and grabbed a nurse ripping them a few new sets of holes, not only for the pain but the other fact that I had been told at 8am they were going to get me more water and they hadn't yet. After I was medicated and my MIL had had her say we asked to check on Xavier and were told he had been off his hood for almost 4 hours, I was fuming because I had asked to be told asap as I was told I could hold him at this point. My MIL wheeled me down to NICU where I asked to hold my son and was told NO, I explained what the NP had told me and a smart mouthed nurse said well I guess I will just put him back in the hood then. Another set of complaints, to which I got asked to let them do a couple of quick tests to check him first. At 8pm I got a call from the NICU asking if I wanted to give my son a bath, he was just over 28 hours old and I got to hold him for the first time. The next morning I asked again when I could feed my son as we wanted to breastfeed and was told that I could start that afternoon but if his blood sugar dipped they would start formula feeding him. I stood my ground and 2 days after my son was born I was holding him and feeding him in the nursery. The picture above is with him being 3 days old, as you can see no hood but still with an IV in his hand. Over the next 24 hours they weaned him off the IV nutrition checking his blood sugar hourly with me nursing and they was no need for him to be formula fed. We had some issues with nurses being mean to me even in front of DH and to be honest a horrible experience. At 9.30 am Sunday morning he was discharged and brought to my room and at 11am I was asked if I wanted to go home or have one more day...very quickly I asked to go home. We were all home safe and sound by 2pm that afternoon and that's when motherhood began.

Tribute to my Gran!

One of the reasons I haven't posted so much recently is that along with the birth of my son we have also had some loss. My Grandma passed away on the 28th of Feb, the death certificate says March 1st but that's more of a technicality.

Mary, my grandmother was 85 and was and always will be an idol. My grandfather Harold passed away 17 years ago, the day before my 13th birthday and he was more than my Grandfather, he was my best friend, my teacher, my mentor and my father, after all my biological father was worthless. My grandmother loved him dearly then and each day since, placing flowers on the church alter the Sunday of the week he died yearly, not even glancing towards another man, where I know a lot of women would move on to be happy a few years after, not my Gran though she stayed true to him always.

My brother was just a little over 1 at that time and she preserved with watching him as my Mum and Step-father worked (he is my dad for all intensive purposes). When I rebelled as a teenager she took me in and I lived with her until I got my own place, she taught me how to cook, bake and sew. She had to be pretty good as I can now make clothes that people think I bought. She taught me a lot about respect and love.

Once I moved from England to the United States I called her almost daily and some days we would talk for hours on end and others it was a quick check in. Soon she started to get sick and the doctors placed a shunt ready for dialysis should it get to that point and then in December of last year almost 4 years after the shunt was placed she started to not be able to shake colds and her limbs began to swell. Antibiotics were prescribed and the doctors came to her house, after all she was stubborn (wonder where I get this from). She canceled an appointment for her diabetes and kidney check because she was too ill to go and after that the doctor took some blood and she was admitted to hospital.

At the first hospital it was Gran as normal, complained that the food was horrid and that she was bored. Complained about the nurses, well she was 85 and getting a little grumpy. They found an issue with her heart skipping beats and basically it was more of a risk to attempt to fix it than to let it be. She was transferred to Manchester Hospital and had a round of dialysis. She made a huge recovery and was great for a couple of days and it began to slip again, she refused more dialysis as it was an uncomfortable procedure at this point and wanted to come home. It took a couple of weeks to make all the arrangements for her to come home, each day a little of my Gran disappeared, she forgot who my Mum was calling her Albert, imagined conversations that never happened and lost track of what day and time. She was giving up, not even wanting to watch Television, something she had done continually since my Gran dad had passed.

Finally each thing was in place, the hospital bed was in her front room at home, the caregivers had a schedule and my Mum had changed her work so she could fill her assignments at home and she came home on Wednesday. It was a stressful homecoming as the ambulance crew struggled to get her in her home and threatened to take her back to the hospital but with endurance and trials it was accomplished.

Grandma refused to believe she was at home, it didn't help that she was still in a hospital bed and had gone from pottering around the house, although with the help of a cane to bedridden in the 6 weeks in hospital. It also didn't help that the caregivers wore nurses uniforms. Grandma still wouldnt watch TV and my Mum struggled to get her to eat a spoonful of yogurt, although staying very British she managed her cups of tea.

I managed to speak to her once on the phone when she came home from the hospital and it wasn't the same person I had grown up around and as my Mum said at least she got my name right. Mum spent 24 hours a day by her side even through her arguments with people who weren't even there.

Sunday night the caregivers came and helped her be ready for sleep that night and an hour later my Mum realized she wasn't moving and found that my grandma has passed peacefully and quietly without a word. It took the Dr. till just after midnight to get there and call time of death and the police coroner a few hours longer. I received the news as the Dr left as my Mum didn't want to call me and be wrong about it.

I spoke to my Mum daily throughout my grans hospital stay with the exception of the 4 days I was in hospital having my son and still speak daily to her, still resolving each piece.

My mum wouldn't let me fly home for the funeral, its not my strong point I fell apart at the last funeral. I knew it was coming, I know it was for the best and it has ended the suffering and now she can be with my Gran dad again, the love of her life.

In our discussions, Mum thinks that she was waiting for the birth of her great - grandson as that was her constant concern and that once she heard from me and knew everything was ok she let go.

RIP Grandma, we miss you

How time flys

So it has been a long time since my last post, seriously 4 months and I can remember posting that. Now I must get better at this after all, in a way I am providing a history for the kids (well Xavier at this point).

Over the next couple of days I am going to catch up on everything that happened over the last, ahem, couple of months and that way I have got it all out of my system.

Right now Xavier is sleeping on the couch, I haven't tried him in his crib yet, he said no to his bassinet after 2 sleeps so he has been sleeping with me on the couch. The bed doesnt have enough room for me, dh, ds, and the girls(doggies), we have a king size on layaway its just getting the money to finally get it paid off. Honestly we didn't start out wanting to co-sleep it has ended up that way though. After all I would rather get 3 hours of sleep than 2 so it made it work. The big plus is the night before last he slept all the way through, not last night though.

Last Weeks shopping

Last weeks grocery was great, including a few treats and wants rather than just what we needed.
Now with the baby coming soon this also included 4 packs of diapers, 2 cans of formula for the just in case after all we do want to breast feed, it is the best way!!! We got 4 things of steak. Its amazing what this can do for us...we have taken pics and I will add them soon just to prove how much stuff you get with this.

Albertsons
Shelf 159.53
OOP 46.39
Saved 113.14 71%

Frys
Shelf 221.71
OOP 73.12
Saved 148.59 67%

Safeway
Shelf 56.48
OOP 17.28
Saved 39.20 69%

Total
Shelf 437.72
OOP 136.79
Saved 300.93 69%

Month to date
Shelf Price $2931.36
OOP $800.84
Saved $2130.52 73%

Average Weekly Grocery before GG $130
Average Weekly Grocery with GG $88.98

Went Grocery Shopping

Grocery shopping used to scare me, I mean what if I cant buy enough and then the dreaded bare cupboard syndrome at the end of the week. 8 weeks ago my budget was $130 a week for 2 of us, let me explain. DH is a bigger guy and enjoys his food, five now four dogs, as well as I am 7 months pregnant and craving a lot of different things as well as have always shopped for the best things, fresh meat, organic veggies etc. Now also I will let you know that this is not just the food budget but if its used in the house its on this budget, food, cleaning, health, medicine, vitamins(the only ones that stay down are almost $50 a month, beauty and already prepping for baby as in I have diapers, baby wipes and special water for him to drink.

So with me not working anymore I set a budget at $50 a week, gotta still cover the baby things as well as cravings and plenty of food for hubby. So went in search of a solution after all we were struggling at $130 a week to keep food in the house and as I was about to give up hope of finding a way to do this, thinking great macaroni and cheese with hot dogs 5 times a week I found a website. If you contact me I will share this wonderful place which I am addicted to, the only thing I ask is that you give me the referral credit as the one who sent you there.

For the first time in years I have my fridge freezer, chest freezer, pantry and all my cupboards full and even though my weekly average isnt at the $50 mark yet, I made it this week with just over $5 to spare.

Whats the secret, coupons. Yes those pesky things that people use and hold up the line and spend forever cutting out. Only thing is it takes me less than an hour a week to set up to go shopping and I save $100's. Basically the website gives you a list and you find the coupon based on the date and insert, clip and take. It does cost though, the first 4 weeks are free right now and then I pay $25 every TWO months(I get the lists for 4 stores).

Today we went to 4 stores, all within 1/2 mile and got free air freshener, tissues, instant potatoes, deodorant, bacon and toothbrushes. Bags of frozen veggies for 25c a bag, orange soda for 17c a 2 liter(the pregnant craving, caffeine and sugar free), Cheeze-its for 23c a box, and boxes of 10 granola bars at 40c a box. We also got milk, cheese, cottage cheese, chicken, rice, hot chocolate and bell peppers for a grand total of $44.44 saving $252.43. Thats an 85% savings!!!!!! Plus got $5 in coupons of my next shop.

Now in the last 8 weeks we have got free soup, chicken, beef, hamburger, spaghetti sauce, pasta, cake mix, bread, salad, frosting, chex mix, fresh veg, fresh pineapple, granola, water, soda, toothpaste, toilet paper and lots more. The idea is when it is on sale stock up so you don't have to buy it at full price. I am so addicted to this its not even semi funny. I am so proud of myself right now its awesome!

What a week!

I never knew being pregnant would end up with me being soooooo tired. Its hard to believe its already Friday.

So Ivy is still at SIL and actually calming her dogs down, this could be a good thing. Daisy is healing nicely and the vet actually called to check up on her, not the office the actual vet. I was very impressed and also to remind me to make a follow up appointment(this is where I immediately thought, more money....but its no charge).

My midwife appointment went well apart from the fact my little boy is a little on the big side and he may make an early appearance so now I have to plan as if it is Jan 4th not Feb1st. For the just in case.

Introduction - Hi!!!

So where to begin; my name is Karen and I have recently got married to James as well as come the end of January a little bundle of joy will be joining our family. Yes its a boy, his name will be Xavier Richard and he is the complete love of my life, after all it must be love to allow someone to kick, punch and jump all over you without getting upset. Also I am not one of the individuals who enjoy pain so being able to take a swift kick to the bladder and still say thank you, gotta be love.

I really want to accomplish a lot of different things with this blog, so I figured I'd let everyone in one the secrets.

• The real deal with pregnancy, well mine anyway.
  
• How we are staying afloat being a single income family
• Yes being a SAHW/M can drive you stir crazy, but its worth it
• The fact we have already decided to have at least 4 kids (I want 6-8) and to home school.

A little more about me- I am a tom boy, love to shoot (which I cant do right now for obvious reasons), love Sushi (again out of the question), very crafty...I love to sew, knit, embroider, am learning about scrap-booking as well as I love to read. We also have 5 dogs and a bird, all female so the hubby is really looking forward to a boy, he thinks that one more male will make that much of a difference, little does he know.

I'll tell you more about me as we go through this journey!